Making a committment to myself

When you are young, time seems to pass so slowly.  You can hardly wait to get older and gain more privileges, yet you do not even see the responsibilities that come with theses privileges.  As we age, our perspective slowly changes on how quickly time passes.  When we are young, we are strong and fit, and our bodies are our friend.  Yet as we age, our bodies tend to lose their strength and fitness, and for some, even become our enemy.

For me, 50 years of my life has passed and time seems to be accelerating.  When I look in the mirror, I wonder where that woman who looks back at me came from.  During all those years, I have brought two children into the world, married and divorced two husbands, and gained and lost at least two people's worth of weight.  Each of these events, and many others, have contributed to that woman in the mirror.  The weight has been the hardest to reconcile.

Always I have put my children and partners ahead of myself when it came to taking care of people.  My self-care always came last, if it came at all.  Like most women, I was socialized that way (by family, by friends, by husbands, and by myself), but it is time to change the music.

All people need a certain amount of self-care to be healthy and happy.  Self-care is not selfish or self-centered, it is vital to long term survival and emotional stability.  Self-care is vital to our health.  Self-care does not mean taking care of only yourself, it means taking at least some time to take care of yourself.  Read a book.  Take a walk.  Go to a spa.  Lie in a field and watch the stars.  Work on your hobby.  Go to the doctor.  Exercise.  Relax.  Self Care!

I got on the scale the first Monday of this year and found that I had gained up to 319 lbs.  Needless to say, I was unhappy, depressed, angry, disgusted, and determined.  I have not been taking care of MY diet and exercise, so this year my goal is to change that.  My current goal is to go to the gym, and exercise, at least 3 times a week, make my lunch everyday instead of buying, and eat both breakfast and dinner at home.  My daughter is completely on board with this and is helping me stay on track.  In fact, she gets most unhappy of we don't get to the gym when we say we are going.  My partner is another story.  Within two days he wanted to eat out at the local pizza place.  Getting him to accept my self-care changes is going to take some doing.

Ready! Set! Go!